5 Reasons You Struggle With Forgiveness

You know you need to forgive someone, yet you struggle to take that step. Once you understand that forgiveness is all about letting go and does not condone bad behavior, it should be easy. But it isn’t.

Forgiveness can improve every area of your life. Forgiveness can increase your happiness and improve your health.

So, if forgiveness is so great, why don’t you just do it?

How forgiveness helps you

A lack of forgiveness can manifest itself as resentments, holding grudges, or even hatred. These emotions are like toxins. They poison your life.

By letting go of these emotions, you open up your life to more happiness, more success, and better health. Are you ready for a better life?

Why you struggle with forgiveness

Even though you want a better life, you may not be ready to forgive. Here are 5 reasons you struggle with forgiveness.

1. You don’t want to condone bad behavior.
You may worry that forgiving another person is like saying that it was okay for them to hurt you. Forgiveness is not about the other person at all. It is about letting go of a past hurt so that you are no longer feeling the pain.

Until you forgive (think let go), they are still hurting you.

2. You don’t want to let the other person off the hook.
You may believe that there needs to be some kind of punishment. When the other person is punished, it is often easier to forgive. Balance has been restored. If there is no punishment, you hang on to the hurt. Does this hurt the other person? No! Holding on, only hurts you.

It is not your job to worry about punishment. Turn it over to the proper authorities, whether that is the justice system, their family, karma, or God. Your job is to forgive and move on with your life.

3. You don’t like to let go of anything, even if holding on is painful.
Are you one of those people who likes to hold on to everything? Do you struggle to give away clothes you haven’t worn in years? Do you save things you never use – just in case you might need them later? Do you hold grudges and resentments?

Holding grudges and resentments only hurts you and holds you back. Focus on choosing life-affirming emotions such as gratitude, appreciation, and love.

Pick a small hurt and forgive them. Do you feel lighter – like you’ve let go of a heavy weight? Keep forgiving. You’ll be surprised at how good you can feel.

4. You don’t feel good enough or worthy enough to forgive.
You can’t let yourself off the hook. Sometimes you can’t forgive the other person until you forgive yourself. You might think it was your fault he hurt you or you might say, “I brought that on myself.”

You don’t need to do anything to be worthy of forgiving yourself. You are worthy. Forgiving yourself will help you realize that you are worthy. Try it. Holding on to the past only holds you back from being your true self.

5. You tried forgiving and it didn’t work.
Sometimes hurts from the past are too deep for simple forgiveness. If this is the case, you can use the poetry of emotion process to let go of the emotional pain. Once the emotional pain is less or completely gone, forgiveness is much easier.

Without all the pain you are better able to understand the past. Maybe they did hurt you, but you don’t need to let them keep hurting you.

Did you see yourself on this list? What will it feel like when you finally forgive them?

To read more about the poetry of emotion process…
(Image: thisisbossi @ Flickr)