We all like to think we learn from our mistakes and don’t keep repeating them.
Many of us keep finding ourselves in the same problem situations. Do you have the same arguments in all your relationships? Does every boss treat you the same way? Do you keep having the same money problems?
You may have been looking for solutions in the wrong place. You can stop blaming other people. You can stop blaming yourself. It is not your fault.
Read on for real answers.
Choices and mistakes
I am going to use an example to explain how we make choices and how some choices become mistakes.
Let’s say you grew up in a family that didn’t listen to you and didn’t value anything you had to say.
As an adult, you want a romantic partner, friends, and jobs where you are heard and valued. You may have made this one of your life goals. You might be saying affirmations.
This sounds great. But why haven’t all your good efforts solved the problem?
We need to look at how the mind works. The conscious mind – the one setting goals and saying affirmations – is only 5% of your total mind. The other 95% is your unconscious mind.
Buried deep in your unconscious mind are all sorts of limiting beliefs. Some of these beliefs might include:
- Nobody listens to me
- Nobody cares what I have to say
- I’m not valuable
- I’m not good enough.
These unconscious beliefs are powerful. They have been with you for a long time. They were created before you were 7 years old. Even if you are not aware of these beliefs, they can sabotage all your best efforts.
Back to our story. You meet a guy or gal who values you and listens to you. You start feeling uncomfortable because this experience doesn’t match your beliefs about yourself. So, you sabotage the relationship.
Then you meet somebody who treats you the same way your parents did. This feels comfortable. It feels like home. This is how you end up repeating your mistakes.
What can you do?
As I mentioned earlier, this is not your fault. These limiting beliefs were formed before you had much life experience or even understood that you were making a choice.
Now that you understand how choices become mistakes, you are ready to start creating the life you want.
The first step is to uncover the limiting beliefs stored in your unconscious mind – the 95%. Take pen and paper or open a document and start listing your limiting beliefs. You are looking for beliefs with a strong emotion. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the belief.
Here are a few common limiting beliefs to get you started:
- I’m not good enough
- I’m not lovable
- I’m not deserving
Once you have a list the next step is to release the limiting belief and replace it with an accurate belief.
How to release a limiting belief
A belief has two parts: the cognitive part and the emotional part. Together these two parts exert a powerful influence in your life.
If you try to change the cognitive part alone, you might find that the emotional part fights back or defends itself. A better approach is to release the emotional part. The cognitive part no longer has any power over you and fades away.
Without these false beliefs, you can discover your truth.
- You are good enough.
- You are lovable.
- You are deserving.
The poetry of emotion process can help. Click here to read the foundation articles.
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(Image: Brett Whaley)
