How You Can Get Stuck in Grief

ByGrief is one of the most difficult emotions we experience in life. It can become even more difficult when we get stuck.

In this post I am going to briefly cover the five stages of grief.

Then, I am going to focus on one way that many people can get stuck in the grieving process. Once you know how you get stuck, there are steps you can take to get unstuck.

Read on to find out more.

The five stages of grief

The Kubler-Ross model of grief describes five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

You don’t need to go through the stages in a specific order. Most people cycle through the stages multiple times.

There is not a set time frame for the grieving process. Each person is unique.

If you feel that you are spending too much time in one of the stages, then you may be stuck in the grief process.

How you get stuck

If you are stuck, then something happened earlier in your life to disrupt your normal grieving process. Let me use a story to show you how this might happen.

Robbie kept asking his parents for a pet and they always refused. Finally, Robbie’s parents bought him a turtle.

He was thrilled. He gave the turtle a special name. He made sure the turtle had food and water. He would rush home from school every day to check on his turtle.

Then one day he came home and the turtle was gone. No one seemed to know what happened. Robbie was devastated.

When Robbie’s father caught him crying, he said, “Robbie, it was only a turtle. Stop crying. Be a man.”

Later when Robbie’s favorite aunt died suddenly, everyone commented on how brave Robbie was acting.

Robbie learned to stuff his emotions and he had derailed his normal grieving process.

Are you stuck?

Here are some signs that you may be stuck in the grieving process.

We grieve when we experience a small loss or a big one. You might not notice you are stuck when you have a small loss. Ask yourself if you have trouble with change and you don’t find it east to accept change. If you have trouble with acceptance, you may be stuck.

When you have a big loss, it is easier to notice when you are stuck. Do you feel like you are always angry or you can’t find your way out of a deep depression? Do you focus on your loss and it is affecting every area of your life? These are signs you are stuck.

How to get unstuck

If you are grieving a big loss, then working with that loss might be too painful. You will want to find another way.

The best way to get unstuck is to help your unconscious mind regain your natural ability to grieve. By releasing emotional blocks to grieving from your childhood, you can learn to grieve again and find acceptance. This is not a magic bullet that takes away the grief, but a way to help you move through a natural process. It may take some time to find acceptance.

The poetry of emotion process can help. Click here to read more.

Or check out my fill-in-the-blank workbook or individual sessions with me.

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(Image: Leena)