Did your parents tell you how special you were? Did they tell you what you needed to hear as a child?
Recently, I was working with a client, Linda. After we transformed a childhood wound, she commented that her parents took care of her, but never told her the things she needed to hear.
Did you you hear what you needed to hear from your parents? Read on to discover what Linda needed to hear.
How parents shape our lives
Parents are our first teachers and often our most important teachers. What they teach us depends on what they learned as children.
Some parents focus on keeping you out of trouble and this often results in negative messages, such as “don’t draw on the walls” or “don’t make so much noise”. This is a common way of parenting.
Other parents like to tell you what kind of person they want you to be. These are messages like, “in our family, we never give up” or “you’ll never get ahead with that attitude” or “honesty is the best policy”.
Finally, some parents are hands off. They expect their children to grow like weeds.
Most parents are a combination of these styles. How did your parents teach you?
One last comment… Your parents did the best they could with the the resources they had. Don’t take this as an opportunity to place blame. This is an opportunity for personal growth.
Linda grew up in a family that took the hands off approach. There were several children plus two cousins in the home. Her parents were busy making sure their basic needs were met. They had no time for extras.
As an adult, Linda always worried that she wasn’t good enough. No matter how hard she worked, this worry “nipped at her heels”.
We used the poetry of emotion process to transform the limiting belief, “I am never good enough”. When the belief was gone, she realized that something was missing. Her parents never had time to tell their children how special they were.
What did Linda need to hear?
Linda immediately knew what she wanted to hear.
- You are seen.
- You are loved.
- You are wanted.
As we talked Linda teared up. These statements filled a hole in her heart.
Linda realized that she could be her own parent and those messages became her new affirmations. She even visualized telling her younger self that she was seen; she was loved; and she was wanted. As she did this her heart felt lighter.
What did you need to hear?
It is never too late!
Even if you did not have anyone to tell you how special you were (and still are), you can become your own parent. Be sure to transform any emotional wounds first. It is much harder to hear these special messages when you are struggling with emotional wounds.
To learn more about releasing emotional wounds from the past, click on “Are you new to the site?”
Share your comments below. What did you need to hear?
(Image: norsez OH @ Flickr)